I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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