Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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