when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize