just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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