i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
