why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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