Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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