she woke up with a sticky ear
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
