i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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