She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
