Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
