i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
