this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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