Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
