Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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