I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize