16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
