he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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