We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i will never coherently bang her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
