I'm gonna have a badass scar
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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