in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
