you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I AM VODKA MAN
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
