I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
