just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
