grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
