Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
