I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
