You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
