My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
