All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
