No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
