hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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