he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
