sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am one with the molecules
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
