I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
