I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Randomize
