is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
