I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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