I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
