He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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