After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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