I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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