You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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