U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
