absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
