so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
