girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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