an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
