went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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