I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize