i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
