My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
