I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize