We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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