Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
