there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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