very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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