I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
