DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
