i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
