dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
