I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
