JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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