mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
