the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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