It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
