even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize