the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
