Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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