Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
