I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
