I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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