Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
BRING THE BAGELS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
