In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize