I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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