Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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