Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
