So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize