I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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