just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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