He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
