Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
