Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think my moral compass just broke
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
