Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
