i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
