the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
