very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
