At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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