Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
