Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
