if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
